Baby, I'm Back

Did you miss me?

I suppose I never really explained why I disappeared. It started when I decided to build myself a site for my portfolio of writing and video content. As my final year progresses, I realised I wanted a way to showcase some of my work for when I start the inevitable (gulp) job search.

I thought I could keep both up, I truly did. I was full of optimism for my ability to build a Squarespace site whilst maintaining blogging and doing the million other things that I have committed to.

Then I got into kind of a bad place. Pretty soon just carrying on with day to day life was occupying all my energy. I found myself isolating myself more and more, and putting effort into a new site, let alone an old, was more than I could handle.

Thankfully I'm a lot better now. Not back to my bouncing self, but with support I'm getting there. I've always strived to be honest about my mental health on this site, and I'd be lying if I said that wasn't a factor in my silence. Perhaps I'll write about what was going on, but for now just know that I'm glad to be back. 

So when I emerged from my cocoon, I threw myself into building this up. It's always good to freshen things up, and I'm hoping that a swanky new site will motivate me into producing even better content for you all. The words are within me, but design has always been a little lacking and it's something I want to work hard on over the coming months. 

I was inspired, though, to venture out into a little self-made photoshoot on campus. The tripod and remote give me great freedom with my photo taking but thus far my own fear of being seen has always stood in the way. This time I decided I wanted to give it a go, and so I snuck out to the amphitheatre to snap a few shots. 

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I'm glad to be back, and excited to see what December holds. I marked midnight, as we ticked over into the Christmas month, watching the much loved Home Alone, a film I am shocked to say that I have never seen before. Now, some hours later, I type this munching on a mince pie. As the semester ends, small Christmassy moments are a godsend in the midst of essays and exams. It's hard to feel festive when it's still 27 degrees outside and I'm stuck inside a freezing cold library! It's a winter of sorts, I suppose.

Talking of winter, these boots are my favourite things in the entire world. I bought them last year as a post-break up treat to myself and they have served me well even in this sunny city. There's something about wearing them that makes me feel like the most confident version of myself, and trust me: that's no small feat. 

So I hope you like the new site. I am endlessly grateful to those who expressed excitement at my return, and a little sad to have lost all the beautiful comments on the old. I know the readership on this blog has never been astounding but it's full of loyal, beautiful readers who come and tell me what they think. Many of them too write wonderful blogs with thoughtful pieces of their own. If you are one of those, please know that I love you from the bottom of my heart (that includes you too, fam).

Sorry for the rambling nature of the post, future ones will have more direction. I'm looking forward to talking more about my experiences of counselling, of thoughts on material possessions, of fighting against loneliness, to name just a few of the pieces sitting in my drafts. But in the meantime all I want to say is: hello again.