How To Handle A Break Up
If you're going through a break up right now then I'm sorry, it's never easy no matter how amicable and friendly you are when you decide to separate. I was in this situation recently and now that I've stopped crying to Greenday's 'Good Riddance', I've emerged from my pit of despair and realised I have a few words of advice to help you through the difficult times.
Be More Reasonable Than You Want To Be
Whilst it's okay to be angry and upset, thinking any number of terrible thoughts about the person, saying nasty things usually just ends up hurting you both more. When you treat the other one fairly, perhaps more fairly than you think they deserve, you create a situation of respect and kindness that is far more helpful in the process of healing. My friends and I call it 'doing a Grace Kelly', after Blair's embodiment of the lovely princess, and from time to time I have remind myself that it's more classy and will make everyone feel better in the long run.
Write Down How You Feel
Of course it's hard to be fair to someone when you are hurt, and writing down your feelings is a healthy way of expressing those negative emotions eating you up. I like to type it out and keep it somewhere I can later reread, because more often than not my feelings change. It's a great way of seeing how far I've come, something that is incredibly powerful to realise.
Take Each Day At A Time
The emotional ride of breaking up is exhausting. It only takes one little thing for me to swing from happy to a blubbering mess. You won't always feel the same as you do now, so take each day, or even each hour, as it comes at you. Cry when you need to cry, embrace any feelings of anger or frustration that you feel, but remember tomorrow things might seem brighter.
It's okay to cry. Break ups are akin to losing someone and thus grief is a completely natural part. If you feel like you need to cry in a sane way, choose a sad movie. It can be an incredibly cathartic activity that allows you to express those pent up emotions. Personally I love 'Pay It Forward' for a good weep, in fact I still can't tell people the story without getting a little choked up.
Be Kind To Yourself
When our friends are in the same situation we often rush to their side with chocolate and kind words, and there's no reason you can't do that for yourself. Buy yourself a bunch of flowers just because, or tell yourself something you feel proud about. Taking the time and effort to say 'I love myself' can be a surprisingly helpful step on the road to recovery.
Break ups are incredibly hard, but every time we fight through one we emerge stronger and wiser. Stay true to yourself, and remember that it's probably for the best and you are brilliant, even if the relationship isn't anymore.