The Sweet Single Life
Since the "I'm in Costa Rica visiting your family but we're going to break up on the second day" there's been a few dates and one short lived romance with a Spaniard. Nothing particularly noteworthy, indeed I shied away from the dating scene in Accra because I just couldn't be bothered. I'd been there, done that, and the t-shirt kept on hurting until I realised it wouldn't stop until I gave myself a break.
I'd realised I'd spent so much time running from relationship to relationship, that the pain of the old one was carried forward into the new; never giving myself a chance to lick my wounds. Some were healthy, some weren't, and some would have been better if I'd just given myself a break before embarking upon it.
The problem was that I was setting my value upon the men that flirted with me, and the dates I was asked on. With a low self esteem, someone else's admiration became the tonic for my crippling insecurity. It's a fragile foundation upon which to build an ego: where it crumbles, as love can be wont to do, so too does your sense of identity. This, in turn, meant putting too much pressure on another person for my own happiness, and it became sort of a self fulfilling prophecy.
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So, sometime last year, I said no more. I realised that my own self belief needed to come from me, and me only. For the time being this meant the single life, and honestly I'm enjoying it. I have wonderful friends who give me all that I need emotionally, and it's only when watching some terribly soppy film that I have the odd pang of desire for an other half. But when I do find a man that I want to be with, no more will I be requiring that of him: we will be two wholes making something of a successful partnership.
It will be quite a different summer, the last one was also in New York but I was living with the Costa Rican which brought it's own set of joys and challenges. Now I am living with a friend, and learning more and more about what it means to be me. I get to experience the city again, on my own terms, and I'm so excited to see what's in store.
As for dating, I am set up on two blind dates before I even get there. In truth I'm a little too awkward for dating, so we shall see how this goes. They are at least friends of friends, giving me some hope for success and at the very least it's a chance to get to know people in the Big Apple.
But I've finally realised how sweet the single life can be. At the moment my life is so fulfilling that there is little room for a man. This will change in time, I am sure, but I wanted to take a moment to celebrate what has come to be.
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- Camera used: Canon EOS M with 18-55mm lens -